To see Alphonse Elric
by redshadowalchemist
Summary: Even as a giant suit of armour Alphonse is in his brother's shadow. A late night conversation on guilt between Roy Mustang and Alphonse Elric.


Roy Mustang couldn't sleep. Sometimes as with all veterans his dreams were full of the dead. When this happened his house was unbearable to be alone listening to the screams in his head of the people he had killed, women and children among them.

When this happened Roy dressed in his civies and wandered into this 24 hour diner he knew, where he would sit with a pot of coffee as he watched the few people out at this hour go by. It was better than being alone.

But it was the night when crimimals tended to operate so just in case he wore his gloves.

To get to the diner he needed to go through the park. It was large park and at night strangely still strange how something that could be beautiful during the day could be eerie at night.

He saw a large shape out of the corner of his eye. It made him jump (something he would deny if ever asked). He recognised the figure, sitting on the fountain was a seven foot suit of armour.

"Alphonse?" the Colonel said, he wasn't sure why it was a question there weren't many seven foot suits of armour wandering around.

"Colonel Mustang what are you doing here?"  
"I couldn't sleep you?"  
"I can't sleep" the voice echoes emptily around the suit of armour and Mustang remembered how young Alphonse was, he often forgot he was Fullmetal's _younger_ brother. Only 13 years old.

"I'm sorry" he said meaning it, it felt empty but he didn't know what else to say. Then he asked "why are you here?"

Alphonse turned and looked at him soul fire behind those holes in the helmet that passed for eyes.  
"I can't sit there and watch my brother sleep. Not because I'm jealous" he said clearly understanding how Mustang's brain worked, "but because he screams. Nightmare's almost every night screaming for me, or because he moves around unable to get comfortable with two metal limbs. And he never complains. I want my body back but there are times when I think I got the best of the deal. I don't remember the gate and my brother dreams of the gate so often it makes him reluctant to sleep but I wonder what you dream of Colonel that makes you the same?"

So Roy tells him. He isn't sure what makes him tell this young boy everything but Alphonse listens silently, patience in his eyes even though his face is expressionless. As Roy tells him about Ishval and what he did and his guilt and how he wants to fix it all by becoming Fuhrer.

They talk for hours, about war and guilt and it occurs to Roy that this is the longest he's spoken to the youngest Elric brother. Even though he has had almost as much contact with him as Fullmetal. Where Edward Elric goes Alphonse Elric follows.

Even as a giant suit of armour Alphonse is in his elder brother's shadow.

Edward is the sun not just because of his appearance although golden hair and eyes just add to the analogy but because of his fierce temper. His ingenuity, his brilliant mind and eat shit grin. They all drag people in and if you get too close to the sun you get burnt Alphonse is proof of this.

But Alphonse, Alphonse is the moon, cool and quiet. Always there but not always seen. Rarely speaking in the presence of others due aside from an exasperated "brother" when Fullmetal was doing something particularly rude or dangerous.

And Alphonse is always constant. So constant Roy forgets this is a child trapped in a metal shell. When someone says Alphonse he thinks of the suit of armour. Not the child trapped inside. He has seen Fullmetal's pain, the small crippled boy in the wheelchair made even smaller buy the loss of two of his limbs but he has never seen Alphonse's.

Alphonse for who Edward would do anything.

"Colonel Mustang are you alright?" the concerned voice cuts through.  
"What do you look like Alphonse?" he says before he can stop himself.  
The suit of armour looks down at the ground.  
"I'm sorry you don't have to answer that" he says quickly.  
"No, it's just no one's ever asked me that before. Everyone either knows or thinks of my as a suit of armour. I look like brother I guess. We both have golden eyes and hair except mine is slightly darker. We have similar faces but his feature are more pointier. I am taller than him even though I am younger. When I died I was three inches taller than him. You should of heard him complain." His voice takes on a lighter tone and despite his expressionless face Roy can tell he is smiling.  
"When we were children it was I who had nightmares. They seem trivial now compared to yours and brothers but when I did brother would always allow me to climb into his bed he would hold me close and I wouldn't have anymore nightmare's. I was always safe with brother. But now it is he who has nightmares and I can't do anything to help him. I'm cold and hard and spiky he couldn't sleep in my arms like I did in his."

Roy understood feeling helpless as others suffered. He remembered his own elder brother, dead at the age of 17 of TB. And how Roy wasn't allowed near him due to risk of infection. Liam had died alone and scared but Liam had never hurt him like Edward had Alphonse. He voices both of these thought.

"Why do you stay?" Roy asked finally.  
"I'm sorry I don't understand" Alphonse said, he sounded genuinely sorry.  
"You could stay in Risembool, you don't have to follow him, you don't have to see the horrific things you do. You have suffered but you do not need to keep suffering for him."

Alphonse's eyes took on a strange look, "Do you have to keep suffering for the people of Ishval? I will not abandon him, I'm as guilty as him, I could have said no I didn't it wasn't my idea but that doesn't mean I'm innocent. The massacre at Ishval wasn't your idea but you could have said no refused to kill, and that is why you feel the need to become fuhrer isn't it. To atone for things? By the same logic my brother's guilt is my guilt."

They had been talking for so long it was getting light out.  
"I better go, if I'm not there when brother wakes up he panics." Alphonse spoke softly he took a few large steps before pausing "Colonel Mustang thank you for listening but can you not mention this to brother?"  
"Of course not and thank you Alphonse."

For the first time in his life Roy Mustang has seen Alphonse Elric, Alphonse Elric himself not just Alphonse, Fullmetal's brother. He had always known Alphonse was kind and unfailingly polite but he hadn't realised how much guilt there was in that suit of armour and how perceptive he was. Colonel Roy Mustang silently swore he would do anything in his power to get that boy his body back.


End file.
